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Thursday, July 02, 2009
I will miss Jeff Goldblum. Waaah!
He's dead. Stephen Colbert says so. And some guy named Jeff. A moment of silence please.
Monday, June 29, 2009
Filipino Filmmakers Should See This
It's short and it's cheap.
All you need are good actors, good script writing, and a good story. I'm sure you guys can come up with something like this. It's not emo, it's not angsty, and it's not artsy. It's simple, and it's optimistic. And it's fucking GREAT!
What's that? "Optimistic!" OOOO! Shocker! What's that?
Too many films being make make people FEEL BAD, and man, it's getting a little too tiresome. I think it's about time to make people FEEL GOOD, don't you think?
Sunday, June 28, 2009
How to Win a Philippine Election
Ricky Carandang pretty much covered the subject in this article for UNO Magazine.
But I think the list is still painfully lacking.
BANNER YOURSELF
If you want to win an election in what Filipinos believe to be a democracy here in the Philippines, then getting the vote of the masses is important. Giving away envelopes has already been covered in the link above, but there is something else one needs to do to sway the Filipino masses.
And that's banner yourself.
Place a huge photo of your big smiling face on a banner. Please try to make the smile as less fake as your stiff facial muscles can possibly go. In the banner, using large bold fonts, print a huge insincere message of goodwill to the people of that area, like say...
HAPPY FIESTA!
or
MERRY CHRISTMAS and a HAPPY NEW YEAR!
or
CONGRATULATIONS NEW GRADUATES!
Or whatever insincere message is deemed appropriate. DON'T ever EVER forget the most important part. Below that message, in slightly smaller (BUT STILL BIG!) fonts, put "FROM" and then YOUR NAME. Don't ever forget your name.
That'll get em!
You don't even need any special occasion. Just put your photo along with your accomplishments and make thousands of banners and post them all over the country. But this is important: Never mention anything about an election. If you do, you'll be accused of electioneering. And that's bad. However, you can't be accused of electioneering if you DON'T put "VOTE FOR ME!"
Ultimately, it doesn't matter.
What matters is your face is there. Your accomplishments are there. It's about name and face recognition. Come voting time no matter how far away that is, they will definitely remember you.
Which brings me to:
CHEAT EARLY!
Cheating has already been covered in Ricky Carandang's article, but he failed to cover cheating in a less vulgar and more subtle way. Never ever think that these public service officer wannabees are dumb.
As I mentioned before, the secret to winning an election is getting the Filipino masses to vote for you. How do you do that?
You make damn sure they know who you are. And while you're at it, make sure they see the good side of you. Never the bad side.
How do you do that? You have to start early. There's lots of ways.
1. Get into acting! And if you do, always accept HERO roles that make you look good. In that way, the Filipino masses can be brainwashed to think that you are a good human being. So much so that when you run and flash your armpits and smile that big smile, they'll confuse you for the hero they've always admired and vote for you.
You can try being a boxing champion, but there's little guarantee of you actually becoming champion, and you can get your face wrecked in the process. Take note: Ugly people don't get voted.
2. Accept commercials! Allow the big product companies to rent your face. This way, your face will be flashed across the country in TV commercials and billboards. Oh yeah, if you manage to bag a huge billboard on EDSA, that's a huge bonus!
You don't even have to sell anything. You can just create a TV ad greeting everyone on Christmas like it's simply goodwill from you.
3. If you're already in office, but aspiring for higher office, always ALWAYS trump up your accomplishments and make sure your constituents know about it. If you build a hospital, emblazon your name all over it, and make it appear it was courtesy of YOU. It doesn't have to be a hospital. It could be anything! It could be a public school, even a waiting shed, or street signs! Never ever forget to put "Courtesy of" and then YOUR NAME. Well, of course, all of that is actually courtesy of taxes paid by the people, but it's so easy to confuse the masses with stuff like this. If you're feeling bold, you can even have a building named after you. That'll get em!
Make sure to take advantage of special occasions like Fiestas and Christmas (as listed above). Take special advantage of your town or city's significant anniversaries. Like 50 years, 100 years, and so forth. Commemorate that huge and awesome event by erecting a statue or posting a huge mural in a place where everyone is sure to see it. Make sure you have YOUR photo in it, and better yet, have someone really powerful with you, like say the Philippine President. Show off in the mural how beautiful your city is, like it's somehow all because of YOU.
Show Them You're Hip!
Just by the above examples above you would be able to grab a hold of the Filipino masses. But what about the new generation raised on cellphones and the Internet? Like it or not, they're a growing significant source for votes. You gotta show them you're hip.
Get on Facebook and Twitter. But the important thing with these educated types is that they're harder to brainwash. Don't make the fatal mistake of directly campaigning by trumpeting your accomplishments. These kids are smarter than that. Show them your human side. Tell them what you've just eaten for lunch by posting a pic of it on Twitpic. Post on Twitter how hot Megan Fox is. It's all right to say Transformers 2 sucked, just don't say it 6 months from now.
The important thing is, you don't even have to say you're running. Just post stuff that makes you appear as human as the rest. You don't even have to tell the truth. You can say how pissed you are at the traffic in Edsa while you're cruising along with your police escorts. No one will be the wiser!
But I think the list is still painfully lacking.
BANNER YOURSELF
If you want to win an election in what Filipinos believe to be a democracy here in the Philippines, then getting the vote of the masses is important. Giving away envelopes has already been covered in the link above, but there is something else one needs to do to sway the Filipino masses.
And that's banner yourself.
Place a huge photo of your big smiling face on a banner. Please try to make the smile as less fake as your stiff facial muscles can possibly go. In the banner, using large bold fonts, print a huge insincere message of goodwill to the people of that area, like say...
HAPPY FIESTA!
or
MERRY CHRISTMAS and a HAPPY NEW YEAR!
or
CONGRATULATIONS NEW GRADUATES!
Or whatever insincere message is deemed appropriate. DON'T ever EVER forget the most important part. Below that message, in slightly smaller (BUT STILL BIG!) fonts, put "FROM" and then YOUR NAME. Don't ever forget your name.
That'll get em!
You don't even need any special occasion. Just put your photo along with your accomplishments and make thousands of banners and post them all over the country. But this is important: Never mention anything about an election. If you do, you'll be accused of electioneering. And that's bad. However, you can't be accused of electioneering if you DON'T put "VOTE FOR ME!"
Ultimately, it doesn't matter.
What matters is your face is there. Your accomplishments are there. It's about name and face recognition. Come voting time no matter how far away that is, they will definitely remember you.
Which brings me to:
CHEAT EARLY!
Cheating has already been covered in Ricky Carandang's article, but he failed to cover cheating in a less vulgar and more subtle way. Never ever think that these public service officer wannabees are dumb.
As I mentioned before, the secret to winning an election is getting the Filipino masses to vote for you. How do you do that?
You make damn sure they know who you are. And while you're at it, make sure they see the good side of you. Never the bad side.
How do you do that? You have to start early. There's lots of ways.
1. Get into acting! And if you do, always accept HERO roles that make you look good. In that way, the Filipino masses can be brainwashed to think that you are a good human being. So much so that when you run and flash your armpits and smile that big smile, they'll confuse you for the hero they've always admired and vote for you.
You can try being a boxing champion, but there's little guarantee of you actually becoming champion, and you can get your face wrecked in the process. Take note: Ugly people don't get voted.
2. Accept commercials! Allow the big product companies to rent your face. This way, your face will be flashed across the country in TV commercials and billboards. Oh yeah, if you manage to bag a huge billboard on EDSA, that's a huge bonus!
You don't even have to sell anything. You can just create a TV ad greeting everyone on Christmas like it's simply goodwill from you.
3. If you're already in office, but aspiring for higher office, always ALWAYS trump up your accomplishments and make sure your constituents know about it. If you build a hospital, emblazon your name all over it, and make it appear it was courtesy of YOU. It doesn't have to be a hospital. It could be anything! It could be a public school, even a waiting shed, or street signs! Never ever forget to put "Courtesy of" and then YOUR NAME. Well, of course, all of that is actually courtesy of taxes paid by the people, but it's so easy to confuse the masses with stuff like this. If you're feeling bold, you can even have a building named after you. That'll get em!
Make sure to take advantage of special occasions like Fiestas and Christmas (as listed above). Take special advantage of your town or city's significant anniversaries. Like 50 years, 100 years, and so forth. Commemorate that huge and awesome event by erecting a statue or posting a huge mural in a place where everyone is sure to see it. Make sure you have YOUR photo in it, and better yet, have someone really powerful with you, like say the Philippine President. Show off in the mural how beautiful your city is, like it's somehow all because of YOU.
Show Them You're Hip!
Just by the above examples above you would be able to grab a hold of the Filipino masses. But what about the new generation raised on cellphones and the Internet? Like it or not, they're a growing significant source for votes. You gotta show them you're hip.
Get on Facebook and Twitter. But the important thing with these educated types is that they're harder to brainwash. Don't make the fatal mistake of directly campaigning by trumpeting your accomplishments. These kids are smarter than that. Show them your human side. Tell them what you've just eaten for lunch by posting a pic of it on Twitpic. Post on Twitter how hot Megan Fox is. It's all right to say Transformers 2 sucked, just don't say it 6 months from now.
The important thing is, you don't even have to say you're running. Just post stuff that makes you appear as human as the rest. You don't even have to tell the truth. You can say how pissed you are at the traffic in Edsa while you're cruising along with your police escorts. No one will be the wiser!
Friday, June 09, 2006
Oh GAHD, I can't get OVER this!
If you know who Ricky Gervais is, and if you are a child of the 80's, then you're in for a HUGE shock. If you haven't heard yet, that is.
Anyway, Ricky Gervais is this British comedian who co-created, co-wrote and starred in the popular TV series THE OFFICE, currently being translated into American by the 40-Year Old Virgin.
Ricky is now starring in this hilarious new series which he also co-created and co-wrote called THE EXTRAS, about the life and times of 2 extras on a film set as they encounter popular people like Patrick Stewart, Samuel Jackson and Ben Stiller. The new season about to start shooting will star people like Harry Potter's Daniel Radcliffe.
Apparently, Ricky Gervais was the lead singer of an 80's New Wave duo, who came up with a few songs, which all flopped in their native UK. The group dissolved soon after.
Well, a couple of years later, one of their songs got played on a Philippine radio station, and it became a huge HIT! As in HUGE HUGE HIT. So popular was this song that it's still being played today in radios and in clubs. The Philippines was the one and only place that this group, and this song, had any sort of popularity.
Allright then, what was the group and what was the song? Check this out!!
For slow connections, click PLAY. Then click PAUSE and let the video load before clicking play again.
:)
Anyway, Ricky Gervais is this British comedian who co-created, co-wrote and starred in the popular TV series THE OFFICE, currently being translated into American by the 40-Year Old Virgin.
Ricky is now starring in this hilarious new series which he also co-created and co-wrote called THE EXTRAS, about the life and times of 2 extras on a film set as they encounter popular people like Patrick Stewart, Samuel Jackson and Ben Stiller. The new season about to start shooting will star people like Harry Potter's Daniel Radcliffe.
Apparently, Ricky Gervais was the lead singer of an 80's New Wave duo, who came up with a few songs, which all flopped in their native UK. The group dissolved soon after.
Well, a couple of years later, one of their songs got played on a Philippine radio station, and it became a huge HIT! As in HUGE HUGE HIT. So popular was this song that it's still being played today in radios and in clubs. The Philippines was the one and only place that this group, and this song, had any sort of popularity.
Allright then, what was the group and what was the song? Check this out!!
:)
Thursday, January 12, 2006
Picture Crazy!!
Marami akong pics na nakuha recently. Lalagay ko sana dito pero tinatamad ako. Nakapost na rin naman sa BUZZNET kaya puntahan nyo na lang dun siguro he.he.
Unang set ay yung inoperahan si Eugene. Nagkasakit ulit e. Kaya pinaopera na namin ng tuluyan. Ok na naman sya.
Click nyo lang yung pic o itong sentence na ito.
Next set ay pics ng Day 4 ng Coconut Festival 2006 dito sa San Pablo kung saan nagkita kami ni Komikero RYC! Ryc, pare nabuhay ka!
Click! Click! Click!
Unang set ay yung inoperahan si Eugene. Nagkasakit ulit e. Kaya pinaopera na namin ng tuluyan. Ok na naman sya.
Click nyo lang yung pic o itong sentence na ito.
Next set ay pics ng Day 4 ng Coconut Festival 2006 dito sa San Pablo kung saan nagkita kami ni Komikero RYC! Ryc, pare nabuhay ka!
Click! Click! Click!
Wednesday, January 11, 2006
TULONG!!
12 sila. Tas pag nagjumble... nagiging 13! Pano nangyari yun?? Nakukurta na utak ko sa kakaisip!! Meron ba dyang may extra brain cells na makakapagpaliwanag nito?? ARRGGHH!!
Sunday, January 08, 2006
"Researcher" My Ass
I'm getting a lot of emails and reading a lot of inquiries on message boards and other places that ask for information about certain things, often saying "I looked all over the web and I couldn't find any info on so and so, can you help me?"
Looked all over the web? Really?
It's really annoying when people look with their mouths rather than their eyes.
Because you know, more often than not, using just a quick and cursory search on GOOGLE yields the exact results these so called "researchers" are looking for.
"Researcher" my ass. You're just too lazy to look on your own so you con other people to do your research for you. And I fucking fell for it a couple of times, but not anymore. Not only will I NOT help these clowns, I will give them a fucking lesson in research the schools today don't seem to teach anymore.
That's my New Years Resolution #2 deed for the day.
Looked all over the web? Really?
It's really annoying when people look with their mouths rather than their eyes.
Because you know, more often than not, using just a quick and cursory search on GOOGLE yields the exact results these so called "researchers" are looking for.
"Researcher" my ass. You're just too lazy to look on your own so you con other people to do your research for you. And I fucking fell for it a couple of times, but not anymore. Not only will I NOT help these clowns, I will give them a fucking lesson in research the schools today don't seem to teach anymore.
That's my New Years Resolution #2 deed for the day.
Wednesday, January 04, 2006
New Year's Resolutions
Maraming tao ang gumagawa nito. Siguro ako rin. Para uso. mmm TEKA. Yan ang una kong resolution. Lagi ako sasabay sa uso. Para fashion! diba?
2. Magiging mas masungit ako. Masungit na ako as it is, dadagdagan ko pa. Marami kasing sakit sa ulo sa buhay ko e. Wrong number na paulit ulit ang isa dyan. Nasabihan mo nang wrong number tawag pa rin ng tawag. Pag narining boses mo bababaan ka pa. Gaganti ako.
3. Pag may humingi ng critique sa akin, hindi na ako magsisinungaling.
4. Promise. Isang oras na lang ako mag smut surf instead of two.
5. Pag may narinig akong cellphone sa sinehan, bubungian na kita, kahit babae ka pa.
6. Maliligo na ako araw araw.
7. Di na ako iinom ng beer. Lambanog na lang.
8. Lahat ng mag "po" sa akin pagkakasyahin ko sa loob ng bote ng coke 1.5.
9. Kakatayin ko ang lahat ng tandang na tumilaok ng wala sa oras. Lalo na yung mga hinayupak na tumitilaok ng as tres ng madaling araw.
10. Maghuhugas na ako lagi ng kamay bago magluto.
2. Magiging mas masungit ako. Masungit na ako as it is, dadagdagan ko pa. Marami kasing sakit sa ulo sa buhay ko e. Wrong number na paulit ulit ang isa dyan. Nasabihan mo nang wrong number tawag pa rin ng tawag. Pag narining boses mo bababaan ka pa. Gaganti ako.
3. Pag may humingi ng critique sa akin, hindi na ako magsisinungaling.
4. Promise. Isang oras na lang ako mag smut surf instead of two.
5. Pag may narinig akong cellphone sa sinehan, bubungian na kita, kahit babae ka pa.
6. Maliligo na ako araw araw.
7. Di na ako iinom ng beer. Lambanog na lang.
8. Lahat ng mag "po" sa akin pagkakasyahin ko sa loob ng bote ng coke 1.5.
9. Kakatayin ko ang lahat ng tandang na tumilaok ng wala sa oras. Lalo na yung mga hinayupak na tumitilaok ng as tres ng madaling araw.
10. Maghuhugas na ako lagi ng kamay bago magluto.
Wednesday, November 09, 2005
Mabigat na Isipin
Nagpunta ako sa tindahan kani-kanina lang para bumili ng makakain. Naramdaman ko ang init ng araw, at ang lamig ng simoy ng hangin (kasi magpapasko na). Nakita ko nagtatakbuhan at nagtatawanan ang mga bata sa kalye at mga tricycle driver na nakatambay sa kanto at naghinintay ng pasahero.
Sa sandaling ito biglang lumawak ang pag-iisip ko.
I can feel still feel the heat of the sun even though it's almost 150 million kilometers away. I mean, here to Manila is like 82 kilometers and that takes 2 hours to travel. What more 150 million kilometers? If I can still feel the heat then that damned thing is insanely hot beyond even what I can imagine. It's so hot that it's a miracle that earth hasn't been destroyed. That we still have air to breathe, that at Christmas time the air is actually cool.
Just a few million miles farther away then we would all freeze to death.
This delicate balancing act between cold and hot measured by our distance to the sun... I'm thinking about it and I go... my God... isn't that just so fragile? That our distance from the sun is so perfect that it allows living things to exist on this planet? Just a bit closer and just a bit farther and all of us, all that we have created will be gone, just like that.
It's overwhelming to think that the balance has existed for so long that small single cell beings actually evolved into big thinking animals that clothe themsleves, build metal and stone houses, create machines that travel great distances. Millions upon million years of evolution to get to this point and yet that existence of eons happened within this very fragile balance that could go at any moment. A passing comet or asteroid that hits the moon or us is all that it would take.
Is this all by chance, or is there a great hand that controls everything? I mean, everything has GOT to start somewhere. It can't have just sprung forth out of nowhere. Something can't just appear out of nothingness. What does it mean? What does life mean? Why am I here? Why can I see? Why do I have two hands? Why can I think and create things while other animals can't? What is love? What is the soul? Does it even exist? Who am I?
Lahat yun naisip ko sa loob ng mga limang minuto at sa sandali na naramdaman ng utak ko na maari na akong mabaliw sa kamanghaan at sa kalawakan ng katotohanan ng buhay, bigla na lang niya ulit pinaliit ang pag-iisip ko, at nagpatuloy ako sa tindahan.
Humugot ako ng pera sa wallet ko at bumili ako ng coke light at corned beef.
Sa sandaling ito biglang lumawak ang pag-iisip ko.
I can feel still feel the heat of the sun even though it's almost 150 million kilometers away. I mean, here to Manila is like 82 kilometers and that takes 2 hours to travel. What more 150 million kilometers? If I can still feel the heat then that damned thing is insanely hot beyond even what I can imagine. It's so hot that it's a miracle that earth hasn't been destroyed. That we still have air to breathe, that at Christmas time the air is actually cool.
Just a few million miles farther away then we would all freeze to death.
This delicate balancing act between cold and hot measured by our distance to the sun... I'm thinking about it and I go... my God... isn't that just so fragile? That our distance from the sun is so perfect that it allows living things to exist on this planet? Just a bit closer and just a bit farther and all of us, all that we have created will be gone, just like that.
It's overwhelming to think that the balance has existed for so long that small single cell beings actually evolved into big thinking animals that clothe themsleves, build metal and stone houses, create machines that travel great distances. Millions upon million years of evolution to get to this point and yet that existence of eons happened within this very fragile balance that could go at any moment. A passing comet or asteroid that hits the moon or us is all that it would take.
Is this all by chance, or is there a great hand that controls everything? I mean, everything has GOT to start somewhere. It can't have just sprung forth out of nowhere. Something can't just appear out of nothingness. What does it mean? What does life mean? Why am I here? Why can I see? Why do I have two hands? Why can I think and create things while other animals can't? What is love? What is the soul? Does it even exist? Who am I?
Lahat yun naisip ko sa loob ng mga limang minuto at sa sandali na naramdaman ng utak ko na maari na akong mabaliw sa kamanghaan at sa kalawakan ng katotohanan ng buhay, bigla na lang niya ulit pinaliit ang pag-iisip ko, at nagpatuloy ako sa tindahan.
Humugot ako ng pera sa wallet ko at bumili ako ng coke light at corned beef.
Tuesday, November 01, 2005
Takei: I'm Gay!
Well, jeez! I knew *THAT* as soon as I saw Star Trek 3: The Search for Spock back in 1984! And I didn't have a problem with that. He's still Sulu! Nothing can take that away from him! If Star Trek taught us anything worthwhile then it's IDIC.
IDIC?
Infinite Diversitiy in Infinite Combinations. Acceptance of our differences in other words. Tolerance. Brotherhood. Sisterhood. Uh...Humanihood?
Go, Sulu! Warp Factor 9.9!
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